I'm sorry your Honor, but my invisible friend just asked if you could repeat the question.

Last week I had to report for jury duty for the DC Circuit Court. Traveling downtown early in the morning was a lot easier than I would have expected, but apparently when they tell you to report at 8am, they mean 7am. But then I might have actually gotten there early had I not been held up at the security checkpoint having to explain that a 3-inch aluminum bookmark I was carrying was not in fact a deadly weapon. So by the time I got to the juror check-in office, I was the 400th person in line.

After signing in I headed off for the "jury lounge," which is really just a government name for a room with 500 chairs stuck as close together as possible and 3 tiny televisions hanging from the ceiling. After waiting about an hour while watching the "jury orientation video" (a monosyllabic tour de force to be sure), they called the first panel. I wasn't called, at which point I became convinced I was going to be sitting in the jury lounge for the next 8 hours solid, only to have to go to class straight from court. But living in DC has its benefits, meaning in this case that we have so many people going to court that there were a lot of panels called. I was called to the 2nd panel (of 4 being announced at the time), and headed off in giddy anticipation of doing my civic duty.

The first thing you notice about the hallway leading to the main courtrooms is how depressing it looks. There's a framework for fiberglass ceiling tiles, but no tiles. There's a lot of light fixtures, but no light bulbs. I'm not sure if that's intentional, but the dank little hallway leaves you with a feeling that you're headed for a medieval court trial that will end with some kind of purification through fire or stockades. Lucky for me the orientation video had told me that DC doesn't do that (anymore).

I don't think they intended for us to wait in the hallway since most of the people in the hallway were defendants and their lawyers, and it turned out that one pair of unfortunate souls there were the defendant and lawyer for the case for which we were being called. Luckily they didn't say much of anything, but I was treated to another lawyer's lecture to his client about cognitive dissonance.

Lawyer: "Do you know what cognitive dissonance is?"
Defendant: "What? Just get this over with."
Lawyer: "It means that you're saying you don't want to go to jail, but you're acting like you want to go to jail real bad. At this point, I think the best we can hope for is 100 days in minimum security."
Defendant: "What am I paying you for then?"
Lawyer: "You're not. I'm your public defender."

2 hours and 2 courtrooms later, we were finally put through the "voir dire" process. When I first walked in, the defendant and his lawyer looked right at me and quickly started whispering away and jotting down notes to each other. I'm not really sure why, but I was sure they had decided they wanted me on the jury. The judge went through a bunch of basic questions, and at the end we had to fill up the jury box 12 at a time. After more whispering at the defense table (I think the prosecutor was asleep), the clerk would stand up and call out juror numbers, and if yours was called you were excused and had to go back to the lounge to go through this all over again (including the video). I was in the second group to get up to the box, but just as I was starting to get excited to be up in the jury box (also a little disappointed since I didn't see the cameras or Sam Waterston), my number was called and I was shooed from the courtroom.

Did they not like me? Did I not have the right clothes on? Did I hate freedom? I felt rejected, but when I left I realized that I had just served my civic duty. I guess sometimes civic duty means voting, sometimes it means going to war, and sometimes, just sometimes, it means getting kicked out of the jury box before the trial starts.

The judge sent me to lunch, and luckily when I got back (look, try to stab me with the bookmark if you want, it's NOT a weapon), I was immediately dismissed. And thus ended my jury duty. Do you get a pin for that?