1225 Sunrise

Until I can find the right words

2008-03-25T18:48:00.004-05:00

It was not I who was teaching my cat to gather rosebuds, but he who was teaching me.

-Irving Townsend

Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: Make me one with everything

2008-03-14T09:27:00.005-05:00

How did they manage to fuck this one up? It's amazing that this year started out so promising for the democrats with their hope and their historical and the end to the Bush regime well in sight. But it's only mid-March and both candidates have managed to disillusion me with the non-stop bickering. Children, please!

Things I'm grateful for today:

I changed my name from Jezebel. It's time for a fresh start... a cheap and easy fresh start.

I can check the awesomest movie ever off my list. Thanks to AP and MKD for still driving me home after I made them watch it. Next time - Trantasia.

I won't have to find a new dealer to get some drugs.

Bacterial infections now flutter down from the sky.

Love left me wondering, wandering, free?

Columbia Heights only has rape, arson, and murder to worry about. I don't want to deal with rats.

What can I say people. Sometimes you get the bear...

The Gunshot

2008-03-09T14:36:00.005-05:00

So far, I haven't been able to find any news about the gunshot I heard last night outside my window. It was about 10:30 and my mom and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating a slice each of her birthday cake. Chocolate.

I stealthed to the bedroom, where the lights were already out, and peeked out the window beyond the fence of my building. I didn't see anything. But I was mostly hoping that I wouldn't be seen.

I left my mother staring at her cake and the television. Must've been a car. Must've been something breaking. A tree branch. A pipe. I didn't want her to go near the windows.

She went back to her piece. The cat went back to sleep. I didn't call the police or the security number for our building. I know what I heard, but I kept doubting that that was really what I heard. I didn't have any information. I didn't see anything happen. I know there is no reason not to call the police when you see or hear something suspicious. But I think that I was afraid to get involved. Why is that? What makes us afraid that we'll be considered a hassle, a burden? What makes us think that the information we report will be considered a waste of time if we don't have any real information? Or if it turns out to be nothing at all? Isn't it our duty to get involved? Isn't the mantra "Constant Vigilance?"

I still haven't called the police, and I probably won't. I haven't been able to find any news about the gunshot. Maybe no one was hurt. Maybe someone was and no one will know about it until later today, or Monday. Maybe it was a warning shot during a mugging. Maybe it really was a car backfire.

Can I hide behind the fact that my mom didn't think it was a big enough deal to call the police? Did she, like me, want to pretend it was nothing so we can both sleep easier knowing that there's no chance I live in an area where people get shot? It's likely that I will be mugged one of these days - it's happened to most of my friends. I don't live in a quiet community where shit like this doesn't happen. I live in a major city with quite a few violent crime problems. It's better than 1997, when I moved here, but it's not great. I do walk home from the metro and the neighborhood pub after dark - tough not to when it gets dark at 6 pm (though daylight savings will help that a little) - and I've been hassled a little on that walk, but nothing seriously threatening.

But am I seriously going to just stay in after dark? Take a cab three blocks? Find a boyfriend and fast so I don't have to walk alone? These are seriously my options? And who says I'm safer inside?

This shit has me spun up today, but it's likely I'll move forward with whatever plans I have this evening and try to forget it happened. I probably won't check the police logs again after tomorrow. I'll probably peek out my bedroom window again tonight before bed, but not Monday or Tuesday night. There's a certain level of fear we all learn to live with, and that threshold can easily get higher when you move out of your fancy Foggy Bottom bubble and into a "developing neighborhood."

Not that any place in this city is really all that safe.

I am ashamed that I didn't act and that I probably won't. Partly I didn't want to scare my mother into thinking this neighborhood was some kind of gritty shithole. Partly because I don't want to think that myself. Partly because I might be able to live with myself staying out of it, staying uninvolved. I'm not afraid that I'm going to be shot, so I don't know why I can't get the sound out of my head. It'll let go eventually ... sadly.

Superkitten ATTACK!

2008-02-25T19:38:00.003-05:00

As if the roach incident this weekend wasn't bad enough, tonight the fuzzy prowler who protects my home dropped. In front of me. A mouse. A fucking mouse. I can't even handles roaches without dumping vats of Clorox onto every surface and down every drain I can find. I swept through my entire apartment on Saturday with a jar of superspackle and a blade, covering every crack and hole, no matter how tiny the possibility that a roach, spider, or, no shit this happened, cricket could get through. I washed all of my sheets and blankets, scrubbed down the bathroom in its entirety, and cleaned out the fridge. Hey, I'm single. I've got time on my hands to take care of this kind of throwdown.

But how could, not more than 48 hours after the roach incident, my white-socked warrior find a mouse? A fucking mouse. In my living room. Or, god, what if he found him in the bedroom? I hardly sleep anyway, and this is not going to help. There aren't any dropping in the kitchen and I haven't seen anything eaten through. But it got in somehow, somewhere, and I doubt I'll be able to eat anything until I figure out where.

I have never been more proud of the captain. He didn't kill the thing - it was a baby, which probably makes the rodent situation worse - and he presented it to me, at my foot, like he had just won it by being the first to discover time travel while climbing mount Kilimanjaro with six orphan children on his back who he had just rescued from rabid mountain lions. His works is done. I have to find a new apartment immediately.

One for me, two for you

2008-02-23T15:34:00.005-05:00

It's a fantastic thing to live in a city with world-class restaurants and a reputation for healthy, sustainable dining. And I'm always on the lookout for excuses to blow my dining-out budget on a new restaurant - or having a good reason to visit some of my old favorites. Dining Out for Life raises money for Food and Friends, one of the best organizations in this city to benefit men, women, and children living with HIV/AIDS and other illnesses in DC. This year on March 6, make sure to eat at one of these restaurants for lunch or dinner - some of them donate 100% of their proceeds for the night. Something else that fills me with DC pride is that many of these restaurants get completely booked early on, so visit OpenTable soon to make your reservation.

Remember, if you're in the mood for seafood, make good choices. Chilean sea bass, grouper, monkfish, and others are on the no-no list. We do what we can to make the world a better place. Lucky for us DC offers the opportunity to help others simply by going out to dinner.

Black is the New Black

2008-02-20T17:01:00.005-05:00

Science links!! Woo!!

Total Lunar Eclipse!

Invisibility Cloaks!

Satellites Hurtling Towards Earth!

Giant Sea Spiders!

Most Important Questions in the Universe!

This is what happens when a snow dusting and a loose interpretation of "computer systems are down" sends me home early from work. Play time in the inter-tubes!

Transmitten' Kitten

2008-02-18T13:21:00.005-05:00

I'm sorry, were you trying to fold these sheets? These clean, warm, soft sheets? No, no, I think I'll be sleeping here instead. Let me know when my dinner is ready.

From beneath you it devours: the remake

2008-02-18T12:37:00.004-05:00

This week we mourned the passing of Roy Scheider with a recap of his wonderful one-liners from Jaws: The Movies. Except for Jaws 3 and 4, of which we do not speak. I love sharks, I really do. Especially if "love" means never having to get in the ocean again.

I once went snorkling in Costa Rica and I thought that was very brave of me, especially considering the threat of ailing snakes. But I digress.

Roy Scheider was terrific as Martin Brody, and he'll be remembered every time someone steps aboard a vessel, smirks, and says, "we're gonna need a bigger boat." There was really nothing scarier than the original Jaws movies, even though I've seen the making-of specials and that fake shark was kind of a piece of crap. But even when they started making new shark movies, like Deep Blue Sea (bigger brains in sharks? Really? REALLY?), the sharks themselves were fairly ridiculous. But it was knowing that they were out there, and you were treading water.

Perhaps, a different take on sharks.

And must Discovery put on the fucking flying sharks all the time? Seriously? Sharks that fucking fly? As if regular sharks weren't enough for nightmares.

Anyway, rest well, Mr. Scheider. You always had the right idea when it came to the ending of a shark movie. And that video game based on Jaws was pretty ok too, except for the last level was kind of hard.

What did you do for those Mardi Gras beads?

2008-02-05T20:32:00.000-05:00

February is such a miserable month. Not worse than March, when everyone thinks winter is finally over but then she hits you with the nose-numbing icy blasts and bleak weekends. But today we're enjoying mid-50s and tomorrow THUNDERSTORMS! And it's supposed to be 70 DEGREES! This makes me so happy. Happy enough to forget that Tom Brady forgot to come to the Superbowl on Sunday and some New York team face-planted their way to victory. But I digress...

This month the DC Tourism Board wants us all to go to the museums but I gotta tell you, they are going to be sorely disappointed if this weather holds up. No way I'm going to visit FROGS! A Chorus of Colors if it's 70 degrees and I can be wandering around Adams Morgan with an iced drip and a cigarette.

On Saturday I had my first experience with Zipcar (I know, haters, but I got to drive a Mini Cooper!) and it was so much fun! It's cheap and easy to use, the car was immaculate, and I got to go to Trader Joe's (which I miss so, so much) - mild salsa! Fresh! I love this place. Next test: taking Captain Fuzzystuff to the vet for a checkup. We'll see if my new love for car-sharing extends to weekday rush hour.

Happy Fat Tuesday, Happy Super Tuesday, Stay Classy San Diego...

Spy Satellite Hurtling Towards Earth!

2008-01-30T18:35:00.000-05:00

When you think about the reality of how much space junk there is orbiting above us, it really belittles the danger of an asteroid deep impacting all over our lands. I am probably late to the party, but was stirred up by this SHOCKING NEWS on Wired earlier today, and I spent a good hour reading the posts from this site. I love this shit. Not that it will end up being all that exciting - the US Govt will probably remove 193 from circulation long before it has the chance to break up in pretty pretty fireworks over the horizon. But in these low times of writers-strike reruns, is-he-really-still-running primary debates, sub-tolerable cold fronts, and a bitch of a SOTU hangover, I think a spy satellite HURTLING towards earth at a slow and predictable rate is enough for a CNN ticker in ITALICS! Yes, Wolf, in ITAL!!

Bloggus Linkus

2008-01-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

Most of the time I don't have anything worthwhile to contribute, but luckily I keep up with the articles that other people worthwhil-ly contribute. Here's a sample from this week:

This NYTimes article explains why I'm so blue lately: the "jarring end to the Pax Americana." Must be that. Probably doesn't have to do with anything else. Nevertheless, this article is worth the read through because it's at once timely and historical and the writing is pretty sharp. The observations are familiar but it feels like a call to action.

I linked this article from Time because I like the phrase "vainglorious temperament." And it must be an important piece because NPR reported on the story during Kojo Nnamdi on Friday.

Not so much an article, but an important schedule nonetheless. This site lists the FREE Kennedy Center Millennium Stage performances through the end of February.

This website might piss you off. I certainly didn't like seeing equal columns on the climate debate because I didn't think there really was one. But since it's 12 degrees outside and my heater is on the fritz (Captain Fuzz hasn't come out from under the covers in days), I found myself searching for an update on when we can expect some global warming to show up. This is the place to go if you are an information junkie. Warning: some links open PDF docs, but the research is pretty well documented.

This makes me so so happy. It's not from this week, but it's joyous news!!

This is for when you've got a lot of time on your hands. Or need to keep your computer on because your apartment is 35 degrees.

More links from one of my favorite sites. "Idioms are for the birds." HA! Almost as good as Comcast's "Count on your phone?" I die every time I see that.

Et tu Special K?

2008-01-22T21:13:00.001-05:00

I found out this morning that Special K is made with high-fructose corn syrup. It's unbelieeeeeevable! (And yet, believable...) I'm not coming down on one side or the other in the controversy (ok, I don't believe it's "natural" or nutritious) but I have tried to cut most HFCS out of my diet, just as I've tried to limit sugar and fat, and I'm appalled by the number of products that use it. Ever since I read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (it's fabulous and funny), I've been counting down the hours until I can shop at a local farmer's market and stop buying tomatoes from Mexico. They taste better and they support a local economy that doesn't waste more energy shipping the food to me than the actual caloric energy provided by the food. Not to mention the whole oil/terrorism thing. What was I ranting about?

Oh yeah, HFCS. This is not nutrition! And what pisses me off is that Special K, while not a baggie of celery sticks, is supposed to be fairly good for you, with the low calories and the fat free and the 11 vitamins and minerals. You know what else is in there? Malt flavoring. What the hell is that? Here's the long answer. The short answer, I think, is that it's barley drippings and bacteria. This produces "positive flavor notes."

What the hell are we putting into our bodies?

Restaurant Week Roundup

2008-01-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

I'm all for trying new places and things to do so my restaurant week goals were ambitious: reservations Mon-Fri with various friends and foes and Saturday off for recovery (both gastrointestinally and economically). I did make it out four nights but had to beg off on Thursday due to exhaustion, lack of will, and generally crappy weather outside. Here's my report.

Aria Trattoria
Ambiance: a little sad and lonely
Service: chatty, obviously new to the service industry
Food: My companions enjoyed their hamburger helper but, sadly, I could not finish my lumps of gristle laid lovingly on a bed of burned spinach and "fingerling" potatoes. They tasted like actual fingers, so I guess that's one point for realism.
Bottom Line: I very much enjoyed the chopped fruit pudding in the martini glass and I bet this place would be a bit more lively on a warm summer weekend. The patio seems large and I would go downtown for a nice happy hour and dessert. Plus they validate for the most secure parking garage I've ever seen, so that's nice. But dinner there? Not so much.

Acadiana
Ambiance: bustling but not loud, busy but not crowded. We were overwhelmed with activity (ok, I was) when we sat down - wine list, menus, restaurant week menu, water selection, biscuits, spicy butter - all at once. I barely had my coat off and the table was covered with things to do.
Service: exceptional
Food: amazing. Go there, right now. The red snapper was somehow both smooth and crispy and I devoured every bit. We shared a bottle of French red wine which was a perfect companion to the beet salad with goat cheese and pecan vinaigrette, the fish amandine, and even the brown sugar rum creme brulee. They made this sweet corn pudding thing and collard greens that I could not stop ogling. Brilliant combination of flavors and textures. I woke up, I was so glad.
Bottom Line: This restaurant has improved ten-fold since I was there for restaurant week last year - it is one of the finest places to eat in this city.

Butterfield 9
Ambiance: typical DC niceties, white linen, etc. Kind of fancy/boring
Service: problematic because he waited 40 minutes to put in our order. But he was sweet, cute, and chatty, so MKD and I forgave him.
Food: hilarious. My mixed green salad and her soup were actually pretty good, if a little simple. My chicken was runty and dry, but her risotto would have pleased Chef Ramsey. Let's say that my plate utilized vast white space for visual impact and MKD was served 30 quarts of rice. But we were able to feed several neighboring countries for a week, so that was nice. For dessert, I had two tiny scoops of sorbet in a giant dish and MKD had a brownie the size of an iPod shuffle. We could have made some miniature porn with those raspberry balls.
Bottom Line: It's a nice place to eat, nice place to take your parents if they are paying. The bar area is too small for an after-work meet up, and the restaurant is too pricey to go with any regularity. Cute waiters, though.

The Caucus Room
Ambiance: your typical mahogany Washington suit dining.
Service: You would think they would know how to make a damn Horse's Neck, but I had to give them the recipe. To make up for it, the bartender gave me a glass of bourbon on the rocks and only charged me $18! Fantastic! Our waiter could not give a shit about our table - we asked for a wine list and he said "red or white?" and brought us a bottle of crap. Though it turns out he didn't charge us for it.
Food: One steak sent back for being cold, one salmon inedible because the spice was overwhelming, two more mediocre meals with undercooked vegetables.
Bottom Line: I was REALLY disappointed in this place because I had read that it was such a DC staple. I thought it would be more like Old Ebbitt but with a bit more fancy and pompous. We definitely experience the fancy and pomp, but the food was nowhere near as good as OEG. Luckily I would up at OEG later that night - but that's a post for another time.

Tidy Up

2007-08-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

Ok so I know it's been more than 3 eons since we last posted so this will likely find no one out there on the Interwebs, but for those that are not among the 550,000 people that have seen this Ikea commercial, I feel that it is my duty to share it with you. Happy Friday to all.

More posts to come (hopefully) soon.

How about a scavenger reception in the forest?

2007-01-04T20:40:00.000-05:00

Since I can't pick a fucking place to hold this fucking wedding I propose something new and different. I'll hide 17 boxes of cereal, 15 cases of beer, 38 turkey sandwiches, 9 bottles of chianti, and 75 almond pesto tomato frufru bruchetta all over the city and the fun starts when each guest finds a morsel and brings it back to my apartment. Where they'll get a hug from me (gasp!) and a cab ride to the airport. I think this would be an excellent reception.

We have narrowed it down to two choices. And I can't decide between them. And I don't know what to do. Think of the guests? Think of the pictures? Think of myself? If I could just decide then we could move forward, but I just don't see it happening tonight.

I just have to be thankful we didn't spend Christmakah like AZT.
Happy New Years!

Geysers of Old Faithful: Nostrils of Satan

2006-12-29T10:37:00.000-05:00

I was literally shaking with laughter after reading this article. Honestly trying to make some witty comments about this just wouldn't be doing it justice, so I urge everyone to just go read it. Our Scientist/Apostle-in-Chief strikes again.

If that isn't enough to convince you, here's my favorite quote from the article: "In order to avoid offending religious fundamentalists, our National Park Service is under orders to suspend its belief in geology."

God bless America.

Transmitten' Kitten Under the Knife

2006-12-28T14:39:00.001-05:00

My poor kitten had to get surgery this morning to remove a lump/bump/growth on his leg. We noticed a few weeks ago that he was fussing with his leg so much that he had licked off all the fur, leaving these very strange bald strips running down his leg. The vet didn't know what the lump/bump/growth was but he wanted to remove it anyway so we scheduled the surgery for this morning and dropped him off promptly at eight. I've been fidgeting around the apartment all morning putting away Christmakah stuff and corresponding with the endless glut of DC event managers for our wedding. But finally the vet called and said that *Captain Fuzzystuff was fine and that I could pick him up at four. Which is mercifully less than two hours away. I hate this apartment when the cat is gone - which happened only once before when he was held at the vet for... fluid samples. You don't want the details of that one.

Christmakah travels are finally over. We went to Naples for three days of golfing and spa-ing. Very rough. I accompanied my future Mother-in-Law (oh, god, that just dawned on me) and Sister-in-Law to the spa for a hot rock massage (I don't think that's what it's really called) which was awesome. At first it was a little weird because Florida is hot and the room was hot and the rocks were hot, but then I started to relax and enjoy myself. But I was fighting a sinus infection the whole trip so I spent most of the time lounging by the lake with a book. Three actually. I'm a fast reader when it's not 18th Century Brit Lit.

On the wedding front, still no space. Lots of appointments, lots of options, nothing set in stone. We found a great site that offers everything we want, but some rooms are not that pretty. We found a great site that is beautiful but there are tons of restrictions (no music after 10, no red wine, etc.). And of course there are the sites that offer everything but want $300 a person. So we're still looking.

I'm glad school is over for the semester and I retained my nerdy GPA despite the advanced Latin class that I considered dropping in September. Thankfully, I forgot almost all conjugations the minute I put my pencil away. I'm back on the 15th of Jan so that gives me more than two weeks to prepare for Beginning Drawing and Intro to Computers and the Internet. Family love college!

*Real name withheld to protect the innocent

Vizzini told me to go back to the beginning...

2006-12-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

So in October I was swamped with school work. Blasted education. In November there was a holiday. No good excuse there, but I did eat some yummy food. Now it's December and I'm afraid that posts on this blog, if there is to be a resurrection, will focus solely on wedding angst because that's where my head is. But I'm willing to give it a shot anyway. Today I finished most of my online Christmas shopping but only so I could put off studying for final exams. Of which I have four - 18th Century British Literature, Shakespeare, Latin, and Film History (1900-1950). But they don't start until Monday so I can put most of that shit off until Sunday night, because hey, I can't fight my nature.

Good deeds. I sent my dad and stepmom a crappy present this year even though I picked out an awesome present but then waited too long to order it and now it is on backorder. So the plan is to order it after Christmas and keep it until their birthdays next summer. Which I will of course not remember to do. So to make up for this I decided to make a sandwich for the homeless man who lives on Washington Circle. But then I pulled out some cibatta bread and it has mold all over it. That shit does not even last a week. So now I can't make a sandwich for the homeless man and I sent my parents a crappy gift. I will have to find another way to make up some karma.

Explosions. There are some explosions going on outside right now. Maybe Rumsfeld couldn't make a graceful exit. CNN is reporting he's getting Full Pentagon Honors, which apparently include cannons and fife-playing. Good times. I hope no one gets accidentally tortured with electrical wires on their testicles. As commented to Absolute Zero, I wish Rumsfeld the best of luck with that war-crimes trial.

Alright. I think I've done my damnest to avoid studying, including posting to this blog that hasn't seen a visitor for almost three months. I guess I could shower or clean the house. Ohh! Non-denominational holiday cards! I have to write those puppies before tomorrow. Fan-fucking-tastic. And see? I was able to get through this whole post without mentioning reception sites at all. FUCKING RECEPTION SITES THAT COST $12,000!!!! Who has that kind of money for a GODDAMN EMPTY ROOM WITH UGLY CARPETING???!!! Look at the ring. Look at the ring. Calming thoughts. Tree pretty. Fire bad.

This blog resurrection brought to you by the future Mrs. Folk Metal. Happy Friday!

From Beneath You, It Devours

2006-09-30T16:47:00.000-05:00

So we've been away from the blog for ages. "Where have you guys been?!?!" you might ask (or not). Well, I finished grad school sometime back in May, and after a brief jaunt to Costa Rica with Jezebel and the rest of my family (can you say Mojito?), I went to work for a giant company called (insert consulting company name here). Work has been easy in that insanely busy sort of way, only requiring me to work a mere 14 hours a day on a semi-regular basis. My "reward" for having done that for two of the last three months is to go to training for the next 2 weeks. The excitement is contagious, I'm sure. To be fair, the training is in Boston, where two of my dear friends from college days (and beyond) live, so I'm confident that I'll find some creative ways to spend my per diem allowance on at least a few of the nights that I'm there. I figure as long as I'm able to spell my name the next morning I'll be in good enough shape to show up for training. Besides, I work in a division of my company that doesn't require travel the way most consulting jobs do, so I suppose I'm at least a little bit lucky to be traveling to a decent city instead of having a regular weekly trip to Cumberland, Maryland or somewhere else of equal excitement.

Jezebel, on the other hand, has begun her final year in school, and soon enough she will have her degree and will be back in the workforce. I think she's getting rather anxious to be done with school, though my recent experience has shown that you begin to miss the free time during the day quite quickly after returning to work. Nevertheless, homework has become the bane of her existence, and is also likely to further prolong her absence from the blog.

So there you have it. Hopefully this post will serve as a sign of at least our occasional return to the 1225 sunrise.

Happy weekend all. Don't drink until you throw up, unless you're into that kind of thing.

P.S. - I have no idea why I titled this post the way I did, but I'm more than confident that our faithful readership (that means both of you) will know where it comes from.

May Roundup, now that it's June

2006-06-06T06:41:00.000-05:00

So we've been a little absent. Or otherwise occupied. But now that summer vacation has officially begun and I don't have anything better to do until I find a pointless, low-paying job to occupy the next three months, while allowing for some travel and hopefully not too many weekend shifts, I can come back to our wonderful blog and my four anxious readers. There, there, readers. Everything is going to be alright.

So what have we been up to? Well, finals took up the first weeks of May, an unrelenting soft core frenzy of papers, exams, and, in my mind, a nice montage of late night study sessions set to some inspirational power ballads. I always think of "Let the River Run" when I do that, even though that's supposed to be about working in the era of shoulder pads. Anyway.

Folk Metal also graduated from business school. Congratulations. More importantly, congratulations on his straight A's. We spent most of the middle week in May cleaning the apartment in preparation for a corollary event - our parents meeting for the first time. Which went something like this:

Me: Dr. Folk Metal Sr., this is my mom, Lt. Commander Jezebel Sr. And this is Mrs. Folk Metal Sr.
Dr. FM: Nice to meet you.
LCDR J: You too.
Mrs. FM: Hello.
LCDR J: Hello.
Mrs. FM: So, should we head off to the graduation ceremony then?
Me: Sure, let me grab our coats.

And that was about it. I almost had to separate them. It was a lovely event stained only by the abhorent key note speaker who told the grads that the smartest people he knew in business were the ones with no college education at all. This, to an audience who had just dropped $70,000 on tuition. Bravo, asshole.

Anyway, 48 hours after that we jetted off to Costa Rica for a week long vacation of the active sort. I am proud to announce that I went snorkling and ocean kayaking even with the threat of sharks, albeit tiny little reef sharks (WITH HUGE TOE-RIPPING MONSTER TEETH), hiked through a jungle teeming with head-sized spiders and a naturalist guide who warned us not to grab onto any branches because it might be a poisonous pit viper or coral snake, and golfed among bellowing velociraptors who turned out to be very, very angry howler monkeys. I also learned the value of a cold mojito. Or five. We returned from vacation completely exhausted and sunburned, as it should be.

It took us about a week to get our clothes unpacked and washed, our Tivo emptied, our fridge restocked, and our routine resumed which brought us to last weekend and a birthday party for a dear friend who turned 25 again. Or 16, I forget. There was a lot of tequila involved. But on Monday both Folk Metal and I had to leave the accomodating student schedule behind and wake up for stuff. Early. FM started his new job and I had to report for ... duh duh duh ... Jury Duty.

I actually really enjoyed performing my public duty and I was happy to do so. It was pull your own fingernails off boring at some times, as Juror #7, "Snoring McDroolerson," demonstrated, but the deliberations were pretty exciting and I felt that we came back with a just and fair verdict. Plus I got $4. I absolutely hated the plaintiff's attorney, who couldn't even remember his own client's name, but we found in his favor anyway and awarded some moolah for pain and suffering. My advice: drive carefully and write shit down. Juries do not like automobile hijinks or people who change their stories from the deposition.

So that brings us to today. The day of the beast. I have no job and no TV to watch so I might have to do something drastic like "exercise" or "dishes." Shudder.

So happy campers, I wish you all a beautiful and warm Tuesday, lovely mojitos, and hot tantric sex.

Happy High Five Day!

2006-04-20T14:49:00.000-05:00

As you probably know, today is a sacred holiday for college kids all over the country. There's no better time than a perfect spring day to grin and cackle foolishly, pass around hits, and share in a time-honored tradition. We enjoy this celebration ever April as a way to gather in friendship, meditate with new perspectives, and show our appreciation for the community. Today is National High Five Day.

Check out this website for a brief history of the high five and other excellent resources and videos. Be a pal, offer someone a high five today.

Also, read this, but not while drinking anything or near people being serious.

The End of the World, now in High Definition

2006-04-10T08:18:00.000-05:00

A few weeks back, Jezebel and I went to Boston to celebrate St. Patty's Day and visit with a few friends. One of them had recently bought himself a 60-inch, high definition television. After many hours of drinking (the bar ran through 22 kegs of Guiness, for starters), we headed back to his house for the obligatory late-night drunken foodfest. Mmmmm, hot pretzels.

Now obviously we had to check out the TV, and we ended up watching Finding Nemo before I stupidly asked if he had high-def cable. It just so happened that he had saved a Discovery Channel documentary that was done in high-def so as to show off the monster TV's capabilities. What was the documentary you ask?

Trinity: The Atomic Bomb Movie.

I've seen video of the nuclear tests before, but I've never watched them in widescreen high-definition, narrated by William Shatner and set to an original score by the Moscow Symphony Orchestra.* We sat there in utter, horrified silence as bomb after bomb was detonated, in striking 60-inch clarity and nad-shaking 500-watt surround sound.

After watching that documentary I was filled with a sense of awestruck horror. It's unbelievable (and yet believable) that these scientists were sitting around in swimsuits and sunglasses, watching the end of the world unfold in front of them as if it was another day at the office. Now to be fair, the scientists were hardly ignorant of the implications of their work, but they had no idea what was going to happen when they set one of these monstrosities off. Some of them actually thought they were going to ignite the oxygen in the atmosphere and literally turn the earth into a giant fireball.

A few days ago, a blogger named Joshua Ellis published the report of a project on his site whereby he collected small donations from readers that would be used to fund a trip to the Trinity test site in near Los Alamos. The site is only opened to the public twice a year for 3 hours at a time. He writes a very detailed account of his trip to Los Alamos and provides a number of pictures of the test site. It's an amazing read, and I encourage everyone to head on over and give it a look.

*The Moscow Symphony Orchestra no less. Is that irony?

Press X for gun, Y for canoli

2006-04-09T20:54:00.000-05:00

Last week I decided it was time to try a new xbox game since let's face it, that's a far better use of my time than something like homework or fixing the leaking kitchen faucet. So I headed out to the video store and got The Godfather, the latest game to get Senator Clinton's panties in a bunch.*

Then it was time to go to the mattresses. It turns out, that job is MUCH harder than they make it seem in the movie. Granted, the safehouses in the movie didn't give the soldiers any chance to "save game." Come to think of it, it would be awfully convenient if there was a "save game" for real life, but that's a whole other issue I'll save for some future post.

The game is a sandbox style game (think GTA), with a map that seems fairly true to 1920's New York. The graphics themselves are very impressive; there are 22 different "execution styles" and there's even a good thunk sound when you mow someone down with a car. EA must have spent a LOT of money to make this game since it features the voices of Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall, and James Caan (though Caan sounds very different from how he did in the movie, but then the movie was made 35 years ago).

Overall I thought the game was excellent, and pretty much follows the storyline of the movie: planting the horse's head, executing the four families, etc., while getting the added bonus of causing extracurricular mayhem on the streets of New York.

On the Nintendo Scale, this game rates somewhere around Mike Tyson's Punch Out.

Folk Metal's Nintendo Scale, for the uninitiated:

1 - Paperboy
2 - Kung Fu
3 - Double Dragon
4 - Mike Tyson's Punch Out
5 - Super Mario Brothers 3

*Assuming Senator Clinton wears panties.

"The Greatest Hero in American History"

2006-04-02T22:48:00.000-05:00

"It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!"
-Homer Simpson

Now The Simpsons are going to the movies!

Finally - Something Happened on "Lost"

2006-03-31T10:33:00.000-05:00

I've been really disappointed with Lost the season, mostly because all of the episodes have developed the plot about as much as 1 episode did during the first season. But this past Wednesday they finally covered something about the hatch again, and while it wasn't much, it was at least something.

Now there are many MAJOR Lost fans on the Internets, and while I'm a fan, I'm not going frame-by-frame through the show to try and see everything there is to see. Lucky for me, there are fans who have done this, and they screencapped the blastdoor map that Locke saw in blacklight, and they even transcribed the writing that was on it. This is what they came up with.

After reading through the notes the island makes even less sense to me than it did before, so now I can only hope that it doesn't take them another 10 episodes before the plot moves forward again.

* For those of you that don't watch "Lost," this post won't make much sense. If you have a Tivo or some kind of DVR, you really should tape it. I know this season is a lot worse than the first season, but it's still better than most everything else on TV.

Never Believe Generalizations

2006-03-28T18:59:00.000-05:00

I don't have a bumper sticker on my current car, but I used to drive a hunter green mustang with this one in the window:

I loved that car.

But that's beside the point. There are a lot of anti-Bush bumper stickers out there, and there are a lot of anti-anti-Bush people out there too. Some of them are in law enforcement, which is cause enough for alarm, and have taken umbrage with stickers that portray the president in an, ahem, unpleasant way. My personal favorite is "Fuck Bush." Concise.

As far as I can tell (with my exceptional googling abilities), bumper stickers are protected under the First Amendment even if they use profanity. There is a ton of case law out there and some very helpful FAQ's about the use of profane language on bumper stickers, and it seems to me that people should be able to display their ideas in whatever language suits them. One person's offensive pornography is another person's art. I am often offended by people's faces, but that doesn't mean I can punch them.

And those who put "I'm Tired of All the BUSHIT" on the back of their cars shouldn't be subject to fines or punishment either. If Dick Cheney can tell someone to Go Fuck Yourself on the floor of Congress, I should be able to shoot him in the face. No wait, I'm all confused...

The Most Disturbing Piece of "Art." Ever.

2006-03-26T20:42:00.000-05:00

Honestly, I'm so awed by how disturbed I am by this that I just can't find words at the moment. Make the jump and see for yourself. Be sure to read the description.

Hint - here's the title of the page:

"Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston"

Pretty in Purple

2006-03-23T13:58:00.000-05:00

Let me put one thing out there. I used to be a Republican. Honest. I like the idea of states' rights - different states have different needs and should be free to govern accordingly. I like the idea of fiscal responsibility. I don't think tax payers should foot the bill for enormous federal programs that purport to help everyone and actually help no one.

Let me also put out there that some of my friends used to joke that I was a Republican Socialist. In addition to states' rights and fiscal discipline, I like the idea of a social safety net - that a country with the highest GDP in the world should be able to provide for its poorest citizens. It seems only rational that people living in this country should have food, clothing, a roof over their heads, and access to jobs. All people in this country should be provided an education. All people in this country should be free from oppression. These seem like no-brainers.

Here's where the GOP and I go off track. I think abortion is a private matter between a woman and her doctor. It is private. And personal.

I believe that gay people have just as much a right to marry as straight people. This is a stupid issue, and in no way dangerous to children.

I don't think that our country was based on Christianity. I think it was based on freedom of religion, which also means freedom from religion if that's how you roll.

I don't believe that guns protect people. More than one of our former presidents has been shot while surrounded by heavily armed and very well trained Secret Service.

I don't think that video games make people violent. In fact, when I am feeling a little rage I often play Grand Theft Auto to blow off some ~~heads~~ steam.

I believe in sex education. I don't think that talking about sex sends the message to kids that they should have sex. I think it sends the message that they should have sex safely. I think that everyone should get an HIV test. Right now. Go get one.

I believe that people should wear their seat belts and not talk on cell phones when driving. I believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I believe in patience. I am not always as patient as I should be, but I do try.

So where in the political spectrum do I sit? I can't be a Republican, because I'm such a hippie-commie-liberal. I can't be a Democrat, because I think that the federal government should pretty much stick to enforcing the Constitution, interstate highways, and foreign diplomacy (read: not wars. Wars bad. Peace good.) I think that a lot of people probably feel the same way I do about political parties - it's hard to subscribe to every tenet of each one, but it's also hard to get an independent invited to the debate.

My registration card says independent, but my heart says revolution. I'm tired of the whole Red vs Blue dichotomy, and think it fits the population just about as well as a fat guy in a little coat. This year, I'm voting purple.

Redcoats and Guinness

2006-03-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

It may be a little late to recap my St. Paddy day adventures, but I would like to give a special thanks to the lovely (and shivery) city of Boston, land of beans, tea parties, but sadly, not car bombs. And by car bombs, I mean Irish Car Bombs. And by sadly, I mean because you can't order those in bars because of the Boston blue laws that prohibit serving more than one drink at a time. You can, however, order a half pint of Guinness, then order a half shot of Jameson, then a half shot of Bailey's, but who has the coordination to put those together surrounded by Bostonians on the fabulous Day of Evacuation?

A history lesson:
On March 17th, 1776, the British were run out of Boston after General George Washington (Hail to the Buff) and his rebel alliance climbed a hill and pointed some artillery at the pansy-ass redcoats. Who then shat themselves and took off in their ships towards New York. Read more here, or here. Luckily, Evacuation Day also falls on St. Patrick's Day, so those working in the city of Boston get a government sanctioned day off. Needless to say, bars in this fabulous city open on March 17th at 8am with live Irish music and breakfast buffets with your choice of Killians OR Guinness. Wonderful town.

I have to give a special shout out to the following people for making my Evacuation Day celebration ineligible for family photo albums:

Miami from Ohio
Pierce
The Yankee
Brandon and Mike
Harvard and Holland
ESPN Girl and Bachelorette Girl
Amanda and Heather
Vigor and Pep
Irish Guy Paul
G-U-I-O-U
Green Tea Guy
The Bouncers
Bloody U2

Also, thanks to George for being so kick-ass and founding the country and stuff, to Madame C for letting us crash and being a wonderful hostess, Dave for backing up Folk Metal in numerous (almost) bar fights, and to the city of Boston for the Big Dig and the Boston Museum of Science. I've been Scienced!

The Land of Mary vs. God

2006-03-15T15:44:00.000-05:00

I read this fabulous post on ScienceBlogs.com regarding the ridiculous debate over gay-marriage.

At a March 1 hearing on a proposal to ban gay marriage in Maryland, one republican state senator whined, "but the Bible says it's baaaad..." (not an exact quote).

The democratic state senate hopeful replied, "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You didn't place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

Let's put that shit on a bumper sticker.

Watch out breeders, the gays are coming to steal your caterers and florists! Lock up your children!

Read more here.

When should politicians start listening to approval polls?

2006-03-14T01:38:00.000-05:00

As I've read the news over the past couple of weeks and seen President Bush's approval ratings sag to record lows in the most recent opinion polls, I'm constantly reminded of how the President has repeatedly said that he doesn't listen to opinion polls. His stance on opinion polls, given his current approval ratings, has made me curious: at what point does a politician have to concede the proverbial high ground and change their policies (or at least day-to-day behavior) to improve the public's opinion of them? The President is an obvious target here given his past statements on opinion polls, but I think this holds true about any politician.

The most recent CNN/Gallup poll places President Bush's approval at 36 percent. In fact, according to their poll results, the President's approval rating has not been above 50% since May 5th, 2005. To be fair, this is the result of only one poll, but if you look here or here, you'll see that a fair number of other polling agencies place his approval rating below 40 percent. But despite current opinion, in November 2004 there was a popular majority of people that thought his policies were the right course for our country and voted him back into office.

Now it's clear (based on multiple opinion polls) that a solid majority no longer feel that way. Does this obligate the President to concede that the American public no longer believes his policies are the right course, and change them accordingly? The President's job is to serve the American people, so when the American public is telling him that he's going in the wrong direction, is it his responsibility to do as they say, or is it best for him to simply ignore the polls and do as he sees fit?

My view is that the President (just like any elected official) is there to serve his/her constituents. As a result, those officials should be obligated to do as their constituents desire when possible. Obviously this is not the course that President Bush will follow, but he damn well should IMHO.

Opinions welcome.

DC Tea Bagging

2006-03-13T14:11:00.000-05:00

So at 4pm today, Sen Feingold will speak on a resolution to censure the president for high crimes an misdemeanors. I mean, this charge could be for any number of crimes and misdemeanors (being a liar, being an asshole, being a warmonger and a tyrant, etc.) but specifically, the Senator wants to call the President out on illegally wiretapping US citizens without a warrant. Which is illegal. And also, not legal at all. But the real bitch of this is that I don't have a senator to call if I want to lend my voice to support this censure. So I looked through my hanging files and found the one marked "taxes" and sure enough, I've paid federal taxes since I moved to DC almost nine years ago. I'm also subject to all federal laws and contribute to the $2000 a day that it costs for Dick Cheney to get a motorcade from the Naval Observatory to the OEOB. And yet.

DC gets three electoral college votes, which is the bare minimum a US citizen paying federal taxes should get. I guess. And we have a representative in the House, Eleanor Holmes Norton, who is officially a "non-voting delegate." Which is some shit. Unlike Puerto Rico, which has both an Olympic Team and its own representatives for Miss World and Miss Universe, DC is under the sole authority of Congress. Terrifying. We have a population of 563,384 (2003 census) but no representation in the federal government. Bring on the redcoats, I'm loading up my musket.

All this history to say that I'd support the censure if I had a way to do so. So to the three people who read this post, use your powers of citizenship to call your Senators and support the censure (contact info). The first step that King George took when he got to the White House was to remove the District license plates from his limousines that read "Taxation Without Representation." Asshat.

Open your mouth Potomac River, cause I'm gonna dip my tea in it.

Please, PLEASE stop with the damned commercials!

2006-03-05T11:53:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago Jezebel and I were watching an episode of the syndicated version Sex and the City (and yes, I do like the show). For those not familiar, the syndicated one has all of the best material taken out: the cursing, the comedy, and the nudity. Oh, and the end of the episodes. They don't seem to think that's as important as squeezing another commercial break in. I'm not exaggerating when I say that in a 30-minute time period, they had no less than 6 commercial breaks. Needless to say by the sixth I had vowed that we would never again let our Tivo tape the syndicated version of the show, and I would write a strongly worded letter to station complaining. The letter never got written, but I have managed to write a blog entry on my discontent.

Why in the hell are television stations increasing commercial breaks instead of spending time finding new ways to make money? With broadband penetration rates still rising and the popularity of video-enabled devices (iPods, cell phones, etc.), shouldn't the television companies start to look for new angles or production avenues to ensure that they still provide a service that we couldn't otherwise get from the Internet? I know that Internet video is sometimes littered with ads as well, but they're at least marginally smarter about it. Most of the time the ad is a single ad placed at the beginning of the video. As long as you're willing to sit through 30 seconds of advertising, you can watch the rest of the video in peace, instead of piecemeal.

Why no television station has begun to experiment with new advertising methods (single sponsors of segments, using the ticker to advertise instead of cutting to commercial, etc.) is beyond me. It's seems like its a method that continues to make just enough money for them that they're unwilling to experiment, something that is openly embraced on the Internet, often with great success.

DVRs and the like have made it abundantly clear that television viewers are sick and tired of commercials, particularly when an hour-long show has over 20 minutes of them interspersed among the program. Why not experiment with new models that people might not actually skip? How about making commercials 5 minutes long at the end of a program, and interactive? DVRs are usually hooked up to some kind of information distribution service, meaning there are ways to make the commercials interactive. Tivo has done this to some extent with their "Thumbs up for more!" crap; though I think that was a bad attempt, I give them some points for at least making an attempt.

Sadly all the television companies are content to do is come up with new ways to restrict what we can record, force us to watch ever more commercials, and sell ad space to companies that have made absolutely horrible ads. The few commercials that are good never get the repeated airplay of the utterly horrible ones. Case in point: Nationwide Insurance played a bunch of commercials during the Superbowl, including one with a woman on an airplane, and another with Fabio. Which one continues to get airplay, and which one was never shown again? If you saw both of those commercials, then you already know the answer. I hate Fabio, and he's not even pretty, he's just scary. Terrifying even. I think the bird that broke his nose some years back was just trying to do a public service.

So the moral of this post: be afraid of Fabio. Very, VERY afraid.

I'm sorry your Honor, but my invisible friend just asked if you could repeat the question.

2006-03-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

Last week I had to report for jury duty for the DC Circuit Court. Traveling downtown early in the morning was a lot easier than I would have expected, but apparently when they tell you to report at 8am, they mean 7am. But then I might have actually gotten there early had I not been held up at the security checkpoint having to explain that a 3-inch aluminum bookmark I was carrying was not in fact a deadly weapon. So by the time I got to the juror check-in office, I was the 400th person in line.

After signing in I headed off for the "jury lounge," which is really just a government name for a room with 500 chairs stuck as close together as possible and 3 tiny televisions hanging from the ceiling. After waiting about an hour while watching the "jury orientation video" (a monosyllabic tour de force to be sure), they called the first panel. I wasn't called, at which point I became convinced I was going to be sitting in the jury lounge for the next 8 hours solid, only to have to go to class straight from court. But living in DC has its benefits, meaning in this case that we have so many people going to court that there were a lot of panels called. I was called to the 2nd panel (of 4 being announced at the time), and headed off in giddy anticipation of doing my civic duty.

The first thing you notice about the hallway leading to the main courtrooms is how depressing it looks. There's a framework for fiberglass ceiling tiles, but no tiles. There's a lot of light fixtures, but no light bulbs. I'm not sure if that's intentional, but the dank little hallway leaves you with a feeling that you're headed for a medieval court trial that will end with some kind of purification through fire or stockades. Lucky for me the orientation video had told me that DC doesn't do that (anymore).

I don't think they intended for us to wait in the hallway since most of the people in the hallway were defendants and their lawyers, and it turned out that one pair of unfortunate souls there were the defendant and lawyer for the case for which we were being called. Luckily they didn't say much of anything, but I was treated to another lawyer's lecture to his client about cognitive dissonance.

Lawyer: "Do you know what cognitive dissonance is?"
Defendant: "What? Just get this over with."
Lawyer: "It means that you're saying you don't want to go to jail, but you're acting like you want to go to jail real bad. At this point, I think the best we can hope for is 100 days in minimum security."
Defendant: "What am I paying you for then?"
Lawyer: "You're not. I'm your public defender."

2 hours and 2 courtrooms later, we were finally put through the "voir dire" process. When I first walked in, the defendant and his lawyer looked right at me and quickly started whispering away and jotting down notes to each other. I'm not really sure why, but I was sure they had decided they wanted me on the jury. The judge went through a bunch of basic questions, and at the end we had to fill up the jury box 12 at a time. After more whispering at the defense table (I think the prosecutor was asleep), the clerk would stand up and call out juror numbers, and if yours was called you were excused and had to go back to the lounge to go through this all over again (including the video). I was in the second group to get up to the box, but just as I was starting to get excited to be up in the jury box (also a little disappointed since I didn't see the cameras or Sam Waterston), my number was called and I was shooed from the courtroom.

Did they not like me? Did I not have the right clothes on? Did I hate freedom? I felt rejected, but when I left I realized that I had just served my civic duty. I guess sometimes civic duty means voting, sometimes it means going to war, and sometimes, just sometimes, it means getting kicked out of the jury box before the trial starts.

The judge sent me to lunch, and luckily when I got back (look, try to stab me with the bookmark if you want, it's NOT a weapon), I was immediately dismissed. And thus ended my jury duty. Do you get a pin for that?

Do we need speed limits?

2006-02-28T09:46:00.000-05:00

A group of students in Georgia (AKA The Five Year Plan) decided to see what happens if everyone on the highway drove at the speed limit (in this case 55mph). The video is a great demonstration of how nuts people can get when they get behind the wheel of their car. Around 3 minutes into the video a van tries to pass the group on the shoulder of the highway and clips a stopped car.

A Meditation on the Speed Limit

Great Scott!

2006-02-14T17:42:00.000-05:00

It's been ages since we've had a new post up, and this isn't exactly a post, but this was too damned funny to not put on on the site.

Marty and Doc could never reveal their true feelings for each other...not in 1885, 1955, or 1985. But their love will last for all eternity.

Experience their timeless love in Brokeback to the Future

Take that Evolution!

2005-12-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

(This post is not about the evolution/creationism debate. Maybe another time).

If nothing else, Stalin was a creative thinker. Apparently in the 1920's he got this great idea to build a new army of super-humans by crossing humans with apes.

"I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

According to the article,the experiments failed, and the scientist in charge was jailed for five years as a result.

But I disagree. It didn't fail, it just took longer than expected to create the prototype.

"Fuck Yourself!"

Chronic

2005-12-18T19:26:00.000-05:00

I hardly watch SNL anymore, not because I go out on Saturday or anything, but last night's was hilarious. I turned it on because the stupendous genius Jack Black was hosting and caught this classic as a bonus: Lazy Sunday

I also recommend this movie: Man Dancing

More Firefox Extension Fun

2005-12-18T18:36:00.000-05:00

It's that time again to offer some more great extensions for Firefox to help everyone waste even more time on the web. If you missed the first list, here's a link.

1. Blogger Web Comments - I think the name is a little confusing, but the tool is undeniably entertaining. This little extension will put up a small window in the lower right corner of your browser with a list of Blogger-hosted blogs that have referenced the site you are currently visiting in a post. Try going to your own blog site and see who has been writing about you.

2. FasterFox - The name is fairly self-explanatory. The extension basically took all of the Firefox config tweak guides out on the Internet and integrated them all into an easy-to-use extension. The default settings usually show some noticeable improvement in page load times, and for those of you with ADD it has a timer that runs in the status bar to let you know whether it took a 1/2 second longer than usual to load your homepage.

3. FoxyTunes - FoxyTunes integrates music player controls into the status bar of the browser so you don't have to go through the laborious task of hitting ALT-TAB (or F9 for Mac fans) to change tracks. Though the name suggests iTunes only (at least it does to me), FoxyTunes is compatible with WinAmp, iTunes, Yahoo Music Engine, foobar2000, Windows Media Player, Musicmatch, and many others.

4. Fire FTP - I'm not sure how many of the 3 people who read this blog use FTP, but if you do, Fire FTP is damned convenient. It has most of the features of full-install FTP clients, but integrates right into the browser (opens from Tools menu). I highly recommend this if you use FTP a lot.

5. Download StatusBar - Nice replacement for the download window. Downloads show up in the status bar, and a mouse-over shows details on each file.

Technology is awesome

2005-12-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

Ok so this is just cool (and maybe a little disturbing).

Researchers developed emotion recognition software and applied it to the Mona Lisa to determine whether she was really smiling or not. The software determined that she was 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful, and 2 percent angry.

And then there's the snot

2005-12-07T11:51:00.000-05:00

Why I hate finals:

1. Not remembering anything at first, then remembering too much and running out of time.
2. Hand cramps. In the same category, middle finger callus.
3. Blue books.
4. Little tiny desks that can't hold the test, your booklet, and a cup of coffee.
5. People who sit next to you during the final that have never sat next to you the entire semester. I need a one desk buffer!
6. The professor who reads the newspaper the entire time.
7. Your pencil gets dull, or breaks off 15 times, and the eraser gets smudgy and so does the paper.
8. Realizing that you spent hours memorizing 30 flashcards for what turns out to be 4 identifications.
9. Essay questions. All.
10. Getting a runny nose halfway through that is too small to snork up but too big to ignore. Fighting the entire 90 minutes with that same snot because you don't want to use your sleeve. I hate that.

One down, four to go.

This place is collecting dust....

2005-12-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

I've noticed there have been a couple of comments added to our most recent post that express some disatisfaction with the lack of posting here. At the moment, all I can offer is an apology to our throngs of fans (you both know who you are), and pledge that we will be returning in a couple of weeks when the semester is over.

For the moment, go here for some stick-figure videos (it's better than it sounds).

Bleedin' Armadillo Groom's Cake

2005-10-12T16:23:00.000-05:00

Name that movie and I'll give you a sticker.

This past weekend I attended what was probably the best wedding I have ever been to. First, it was short. Second, the groom is one of my closest friends and his nuptials were occasion for a long-overdue reunion of the old crowd. Personal abandonment issues aside, it was amazing to all be together again. Third, the food was excellent, the catering staff, incredible, and the mimosas, flowing. If we hadn't been so incredibly drunk all weekend, we might have drained every last drop of champagne.

The wedding took place in a Westchester front yard, and thankfully the rain held off for a couple of hours so the ceremony could be held outside as planned. The grooms looked amazing and managed to find complimenting tuxedos that, for once, distinguished them from one another. Everyone cried during the ceremony, which was touching and sincere, and even the kids managed to sit still for 20 minutes. I usually don't approve of anyone at a wedding who is too young to drink, but these children were perfectly groomed, had gorgeous moppet hair, and were genuinely adorable. The father of Groom #2 made a hilariously inappropriate speech (complete with nudie slide show), and the brothers of both grooms spoke from the heart. The food was buffet style brunch but there were so many different stations set up that there weren't any lines. They opted out of traditional dancing and planned an after party in Manhattan for later that night. None of the guests had to sit through any of the cake-cutting (they substituted sundaes and chocolate covered strawberries) or wedding party first dances. It was the first wedding I've been to where I wasn't trying to find a good opening to make my escape. Ab Fab.

I had such a wonderful time at this wedding and was really moved by the overwhelming support shown by both families. The guests were amazing people (my old boss' sister was kind of a surprise, but her partner and I are now the bestest of friends) and the hosts could not have been more gracious. But the most important truism I learned that morning was not that true love knows no boundaries, or that the right to marry is a right everyone should have equally, but that a Jew and a Gentile really can make it to the alter.

Lechaim!

I say to you sir: NOT COOL.

2005-10-04T16:26:00.000-05:00

I have a few bones to pick with the DC government today. This weekend we were almost killed by secret service men and bombs on the Potomac. Well, neither of things really technically happened, but I digress. Let me explain. (No, there is too much.)

On Saturday night, we were peacefully sitting around the apartment finishing dinner when loud explosions rocked the building. I shit you not, the ground was shaking. BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!! It was like machine gun fire right outside our window. We all jumped to our feet - Folk Metal slammed down hard on his already swollen ankle* while climbing over the couch and I banged my knee on the coffee table and ran over the cat. All we could see was a rising column of smoke no less than 100 yards away, somewhere over Virginia Ave next to the Watergate. I grabbed the remote and frantically cycled through Local News 8, 12, CNN, MSNBC, Headline News, Fox - all nothing. And then again, BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!! Folk Metal was still at the window and said he saw explosions in the sky. J said they looked like missles aimed at the planes - National's flight path goes right over our house. I grabbed the cat and almost pulled his claws out by ripping him from his post. Get the cat in the carrier. Find out what has happened. Is there gas in the car? I don't hear any sirens. Is the phone still working? Get away from the windows. Find out what has happened. Where are the candles? The lights are still on. Take a breath. And then again BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!!-BAM!! And then it was quiet. J said, Wait, it's just fireworks. It looks like fireworks. I said, the fuck? FM said, Yeah it's just fireworks - maybe a barge exploded or something. That didn't sound right. I agreed. It did not sound like fucking fireworks. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking for like a half an hour. None of the news channels said anything about it that night, and only on Monday did I read in Express that I wasn't the only one losing my shit over a fucking fireworks show that night. So, to the Kennedy Center PR Director, the Potomac River Fireworks and Pyrotechnics Department, and to the DC Government Event Logistics and Try-Not-to-Scare-the-Shit-Out-of-Your-Citizens Council: Not cool.

After a GREAT night's sleep, on Sunday morning we were on our way to Rosslyn (no, not for Starbucks) and I was driving because of FM's aforementioned ankle injury. When we got on the Potomac River Freeway, I noticed a black Suburban a few cars back with a light rack so I made sure to go the speed limit, even though everyone know's it's Park Police and not Secret Service that have all the power in this town. It's important to mention that the lights were off and the sirens were silent. We were headed for a double exit lane, both on the right, and approaching a split in the road getting onto Roosevelt Bridge right in front of the Kennedy Center. The Suburban pulled out of my lane and started to speed up, heading for the left exit onto the E St Expressway. I noticed that it was two Suburbans as the first one began to pass, and then suddenly the front Suburban swung back into my lane just as the left lane was splitting off. Then the Suburban that was RIGHT NEXT TO ME started to pull into my lane, squeezing me against the guardrail. I had to slam on my brakes and swerve to miss the fucking behemouth - and then, AND THEN, he puts on his fucking lights and speeds away onto the bridge. I think I honked as FM exploded on the seat next to me screaming his head off that they almost fucking drove us off the road. And me, again, with the shaking. Fucking assholes. And so, to the Secret Service, the Roosevelt Bridge and Exit Lane Signage Commission, and to Chevy, because Suburbans are fhuge and fugly: Let me repeat, Not cool.

A big F this week for trust in the government to inform and protect me.

*Injury from an unrelated Ultimate Fighting Championship match ealier in the day. To quote FM, "No comment."

There once was a man from Nantucket

2005-09-30T10:50:00.000-05:00

So I went to my first poetry reading last night. Well, my first one since I was a reluctant preteen being dragged along with my mom and her artsy boyfriend Doug to the New London book and lute store for what I considered to be a grotesque evening sitting around listening to old ugly people talking about rabid mournful sex and the death of the soul. Turns out, poetry reading hasn't changed too much, except now the old ugly people teach my Wednesday Critical Methods class and I now have the pleasure of putting faces to those images of rabid mournful sex. The thing about being an outsider at a poetry reading is that obviously everyone there knows one another and when they look at you and smile, it's a mistake and they quickly realize that you are not the person they thought. Secondly, they always laugh at what I consider hugely inappropriate times. "My mother's lungs fill with darkening clouds and I hate her perfume and poppy stockings." This is apparently comic genius, only I'm the stupid one in the room who doesn't get it. Overall, I'm glad it wasn't longer. Now I have to write a paper about my response to the reading and I only hope that I can get away with a two-pager on how I don't fucking get it.

Sad is the beetle on the rapid flight of angry frequency.
And yet.

Commentphobia

2005-09-30T10:39:00.000-05:00

I am one of the unluckly and rare few that suffer from the rare and often undiagnosed Internet-related disorder of Commentphobia. Commentphobia is defined simply as a "fear of commenting on well-written blogs." The most common symptom is a frequent authoring of comments without publishing any of them, usually due to fears of ridicule from writers and bloggers who are much funnier than you. I suffer an acute case of this, having offered literally dozens of comments that I never post.

In truth, I really do have a problem with commenting. I try to comment all the time, but I end up thinking that what I've written is either only funny to me, or might even be considered offensive. So after hitting the Preview button 6 or 7 times, I decide that the comment isn't good enough and ultimately delete it. Maybe I should just let them stand, but I just cant seem to get myself to publish them.

So for New Year's this year, I think my new resolution will be to post my comments no matter what. You have to face your fears, right? I'm willing to face this one, so long as I don't have to face my far more serious fear of spiders.

I know, it seems silly to fear such "harmless" creatures like arachnids, but stop and think about them for a minute: 8 legs, bunches of eyes, the ability to scale walls and ceilings, and silk shooting out of their asses...and no one else is the slightest bit concerned about what they plan to do with that kind of evolutionary sophistication? As for their "small" size, I ask you: would they name one of them the Goliath Bird-Eating Spider if they weren't HUGE???

Ok, so maybe I got off the subject of commenting, but now I have to stop typing since I keep having to look up every 5 seconds to make sure an army of Goliaths aren't descending upon me from the ceiling..

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Please Help Katrina Victims

2005-09-02T12:50:00.000-05:00

I'm sure by now anyone reading this has seen the horrible devastation and subsequent anarchy that has descended upon New Orleans and the Gulf Coast. It goes without saying that they need all the help they can get. If you haven't donated to any relief organizations yet, you can click the link below (or the title of this post) to go to the Red Cross collection page. Please given anything you can; they needed help days ago, and certainly they will need help for months to come.

To donate to the Red Cross, click here.

My anger at the incompetence and lack of organization on the government's part will be saved for another post. For now, please help them if you can.

What's in a name?

2005-08-05T10:45:00.000-05:00

Almost every website nowadays has an option for registration that gives you access to certain areas of their content, personalized settings, etc. I'm often plagued by the notion of coming up with a good username. Maybe that's because I always thought the handle you chose was a defining characteristic of your online presence....or maybe I'm just nuts.

You see, while I'm not THAT old yet, I have been a computer nerd since the days of 2400 baud modems and BBS's. As a matter of fact my father reminded my just last night about how busy my old BBS was (200 users and 150 calls a day - yes, it was THAT cool). My parents never understood what I was doing or even what BBS stood for, but they were understanding enough to help pay for two extra phone lines for their grade-school son who was getting more phone calls than their teenage daughter. (Then again, while her calls tended to be long conversations about how hot Patrick Swayze was, my phone calls were loud screeching noises that scared the hell out of my grandmother...but we'll save that story for another post).

But I digress.

In the time of BBS's, everything was about the handle you had. Anonymity was not really a concern at the time, but there was a measure of "coolness" that was associated with your handle. It wouldn't have been interesting to say "John Smith messed up Tradewars again, so I had to delete his account." But it was incredibly cool to say "I just kicked Slaughter after fucking the Tradewars Door.... AGAIN!" Your handle tended to get spread around to all of the other BBS's since we transferred messages between rings of BBS's every night (if you don't know how all that works, it's not even worth trying to figure out unless you are as big a dork as me, in which case shame on your for not understanding). It ended up that most people that you knew online only knew you through your handle, which at the time wasn't a problem because there were only a few thousand people online. The chances of two people using Neo (I never have, for the record) for their handle was very slim. But nowadays, with only about 8 million people signing up for sites everyday, finding a unique identifier has become exponentially more difficult.

So I ask - how did you come up with your handle? Was it your personality, an obsession with sci-fi, sex, books? Or did you go for the ever-original BillGates43928503? Oh, and if you're asking how I came up with my current one (I feel compelled to change them all the time if you haven't guessed by now) - Folk Metal was how Jack Black described the music of his prolific band Tenacious D. I think maybe I was watching them on TV when we started this blog. Maybe the impulsive decision-making is the reason that I use 5 different handles now?

Bonus Points: for those of you that will see me tonight, I'll buy you a beer if you can guess the first handle I ever used. Hint: Darkwing Duck.

I heart Firefox (warning: geek ahead)

2005-07-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

Firefox is one of those great examples of open-source software. It's easily the most innovative mainstream web browser available today. (If you dont know what Firefox is, then you'd better go here before you read any further).

Aside from being more secure and faster than Internet Explorer, Firefox supports extensions, which are basically little customizations for your web browser. Whenever I have to re-install my computer (with WinXP that basically means once every 3 months), Firefox is one of the first programs I install, along with some of the best extensions for it. Below is just a short list of the ones I would highly recommend, particularly for people who haven't used Firefox before. These are a good sample of some of the extensions the Firefox community has come up with to make web browsing easier and more enjoyable.

In case you were wondering, extensions are incredibly easy to install. Once you have firefox (if you dont, go here right away), click on the links below and then click the "install" button. A confirmation window will appear; click "Install," restart Firefox, and you're done.

1. ForecastFox – A MUST have if you are obsessed with the weather, and if you’re an avid Internet user then I’m quite certain you already have either Weatherbug (SUCKS) or some other taskbar weather program. This one is fully customizable and is easily the best weather app I've seen on the net.

2. Stumble Upon – StumbleUpon lets you "channelsurf" the best-reviewed sites on the web. It is a collaborative surfing tool for browsing, reviewing and sharing great sites with like-minded people. This helps you find interesting webpages you wouldn't think to search for.

3. mini T – Allows you to drag and drop window tabs to re-shuffle them as you need it. This is great when you have 15 tabs open at work and your personal e-mail is stuck somewhere around tab 7. You can drag it back to the far left without having to close everything first.

4. IEView – Adds a right-click menu option that allows you to open the current page in MSIE. Good for badly-coded sites that are optimized for MSIE only.

Keep in mind that extensions are a great addition to the browser, but they do add to the boot time for Firefox. These 5 won’t really slow you down, but when you start having 15-20 extensions, the load time can be a lot more. You can easily uninstall them though. Just go to Tools -> Extensions, highlight the one you want to get rid of and click uninstall. Restart Firefox and it's done.

Whole lotta hoot, leeeeettle bit of nanny

2005-06-20T19:08:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since a Democrat has had a reason to celebrate. A long time since a sane person has had a reason to feel good about the United States Congress. Is this the beginning of the end of crazy? Last week Congress voted against the Administration; it seems like someone in some office down on Capitol Hill finally realized that there are plenty of Americans, some might say a majority, who don't want a cluster-fuck for a government. Who knew?

On Wednesday, the House voted 238-187 to protect reader's privacy by removing powers from the Patriot Act that allow federal agents to seize library and bookstore records without a subpoena. The revision to Section 215 would require those agents to, you know, present probable cause to a judge before ransacking a library. Now I'm all for preventing people from reading too much about certain off-limit subject matters. Kids should not read about witches because they'll turn to Satan. People should not have to be exposed to controversial and provocative thought through words, or God-forbid, art. Law-abiding citizens should not want to learn about terrorism and maybe check out a book or browse Barnes and Noble. And besides, if you didn't do anything wrong, why would you mind if the FBI went through your reading records and didn't get a warrant to do so?

The Patriot Act is a dangerous intrusion on civil liberties, and everyone knows it. The problem is, some people believe it is necessary. I am not one of those people. I learned that you cannot give up essential liberties in exchange for temporary security from Ben Franklin. I learned that America is an idea - that government exists to ensure the freedom and liberty of its citizens - that must be protected above all else from Aaron Sorkin. And I learned that the human being and fish can coexist peacefully from President Bush. So this asinine attempt by the reigning monarchy to bring every aspect of a person's life under personal scrutiny will fail, eventually if not sooner, because it is fundamentally un-American. And everyone knows it.

President Bush believes in something - that he can create freedom using the might of his army. I don't doubt the sincerity of his faith. In fact, he believes it so much that he is willing to sacrifice this country in order to prove it. Democrats, Independents, and people with perspective have to find a way to stop it. The Freedom to Read Amendment is a small but important step for the opposition, which has finally found its voice.

This is Not a Top Ten List

2005-06-13T18:09:00.000-05:00

There are people who love dark, artsy movies and people who love explosive action flicks. Some like foreign movies and some watch movies so forgettably boring that they are halfway through a second viewing before they realize they've already seen it. I'll watch any of the above, but mostly I pick up overhyped Hollywood hits because they are guaranteed in stock. Here is a recent sampling:

Sideways
Terrible. Boring. Nonsensical. Guy about to be married goes on a bachelor party weekend to wine country with his sad friend. Guy sleeps around. Friend is sad. Guy tries to get friend laid. Friend is sad. Guy tries to cheer friend up. Friend is drunk. Wine is hard to make because grapes are complex, like people. Friend is sad. The end.

Finding Neverland
Awesome. Emotional. Beautiful. Johnny Depp is Edward Scissorhands good and Kate Winslet is not annoying at all - more Ophelia than Rose Dewitt Bukater. The movie is about Sir James Matthew Barrie and his writing of Peter Pan. The scenery is gorgeous and the characters are heroic and flawed. We could not turn it off.

Meet the Fockers
Funny, but not hilarious. It was better than I expected, but took a long time getting there. 45 minutes in we were already fidgeting, but overall I was surprised that I didn't find it more offensive. There were some very nasty scenes but nothing unwatchable like in American Wedding. I would give this a resounding meh.

Lemony Snicket
Jim Carrey. More Jim Carrey. More than enough Jim Carrey. We picked up this movie because I've read the books and thought they were imaginative and adventerous - three orphans and a Series of Unfortunate Events ranging from a fire that claimed their parents to a quest across leech-infested waters and a long climb up an elevator shaft. I wanted to see what a big budget and a big-name cast could do with the set designs and characters. Unfortunately, I had a hard time watching it because Jim Carrey kept bloviating all over my TV.

Moral: I need to rent better movies.

Best Prequel Ever

2005-05-20T16:09:00.000-05:00

So I saw Revenge of the Sith on opening night - a midnight showing of course. That makes me 3 for 3 on seeing the prequels at midnight. Does that automatically put you in the geek category?

The movie was, in a word, FUCKINGINCREDIBLE.

That is all.

Transmitten' Kitten!

2005-05-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

It's unlikely that my cat will ever get out into the street. He spends most of his day asleep on his favorite chair, curled up in a fleece throw that is covered in ones and zeros. The binary code spells out "blanket." For about an hour after we get up in the morning, he tear-asses around the apartment chasing shadows and trying to get into the shower. This is of course after his 6am morning breakfast call, which can come via a sneak attack on an uncovered toe or finger, or maybe a quick romp across the bookcase to play the game we lovingly refer to as "knock as much shit onto the floor as possible until there is a loud enough crash to wake your ass up." I love this game.

The rest of the day is a routine of eating, sun-beaming, stretching (he really is very long), and cleaning (his flexibility for those hard to reach places is astonishing). As we leave in the morning for work, he will never fail to walk out the door to explore the hallway and see how far away that delicious sausage biscuit smell is coming from. He never gets very far before an elevator ding or a neighbor sends him galloping back for our apartment, but his sense of adventure always replenishes. And at night when we get home, he is always there at the door, waiting for our return as if he hasn't left the sentry post all day. He accepts a little scratching before we serve his dinner, and then it's back to sleep for another 12 hours.

On fine spring days, we sometimes attempt to give the cat a little outdoors time and bring him to the courtyard. Trying to get a cat into a harness and leash is not an idea I would recommend unless you enjoy Neosporan, but it gives us a sense of security nonetheless. He usually does very well outside. We have a closed in courtyard behind our apartment building and although people sometimes come through while we're out there, for the most part it's as controlled an area as we could probably find.

But you never know. A dog that's gone off it's leash, a squirrel that looks too good to let get away, a rush up a tree trunk and out of reach... any of these things can happen to a pet outside, especially one as jittery as our scardey-cat. So the last time we went to our vet we asked about a procedure we had heard about from a number of places, but mostly Animal Planet. You can get a microchip implanted into your pet so that if he ever gets lost the shelter that picks him up will be able to identify him and contact you for his safe return. They run a wand over your pet's back and, if a microchip is present, a number will pop up on the display which correlates to the information about you on file. For a cat who routinely leaves his collar in such easy access places as underneath the clothes washer and behind the entertainment center, this device is a great way to make sure your pet has identification with him at all times. Implanting cab fare is the next logical step.

We asked our vet if this procedure was recommended and he was so adamant in his praise, citing two reunion stories from just that month, that we said ok. We asked when we would need to schedule that for, but before we could even get the words out, he had removed a small needle from a drawer and was pulling together some scruff for a quick injection. It was over in seconds - no surgery, no anesthesia, no apparent objection from the cat. The vet waved his wand and our registration number came up in an instant. The "procedure" cost $50 to the vet for the chip and another $18 to HomeAgainID for registration. The chip lasts for a lifetime, and we'll always be able to track our kitty down if he ever wanders too far down the hallway, searching for that sausage biscuit.

When they kick you in the face, give them the silent treatment

2005-04-28T20:20:00.000-05:00

I don't understand why the Democrats continue to fight the wrong fights against the Republicans. This is happening day after day, on terrible news show after terrible news show. What really bothers me is that they have some very good ideas but they don't talk about them. For that matter, they have a lot better ammunition to use in their current battles with the Republicans, but they continue to spend all of their time defending the attacks coming at them without ever mounting a proper counterattack.

Take the filibuster, or "nuclear option" debate going on right now. The Republicans are accusing the Democrats of trying to "veto the will of the majority." The Democrats are hitting back with threats to shut down the Senate, followed by going off on tiraids about how the filibuster has been part of the legislative process in the Senate for 200 years.

But consider the Republican attack - "will of the majority." Both parties seem to be forgetting that while the Republicans have 55 members in the Senate to the Democrats' 44, the Democrats actually represent more people. So why aren't they saying that?

Maybe those numbers are too complicated. How about this: President Clinton had 60 judicial nominations refused by the Republicans using a pocket filibuster. The Democrats are saying no to a whopping 7. How about that?

I always felt that Governor Howard Dean would have been the ideal Democratic candidate to run against Bush (but we'll save that discussion for another entry). Later when he became DNC Chairman I felt that the Dems were finally going to get an organized offensive going and take some ground back in 2006. But if things keep going the way they are now, I'm going to have to really start thinking about that move to Canada again.

Is Toronto nice in the summer?

How do they know that?

2005-04-25T02:14:00.000-05:00

I consider myself to be a somewhat private netizen. I do not make my e-mail address or AIM/MSN handles available on the public Internet. I don't link my real name or phone number to my blog. I don't use a photoblog or online photo-storage service. Honestly, it probably wouldnt bother me to have this information made publicly available, but I want to decide what is made public and what is kept private. Sadly, that choice was already made for me by "People Search" companies.

There is a relatively small amount of legislation governing what kind of information can be collected, who is allowed to collect it, and what they are subsequently allowed to do with the information (resell it, mine it, etc.). Without some sort of specified limits, there is nothing stopping companies from compiling the same types of data repositories that were proposed under the (now defunct) Total Information Awareness Project, which had it been allowed to continue would have become the most expanisive and agressive invasion of personal privacy that the US has ever seen. Worse still, these info-warehouses would operate with virtually no oversight from the government.

Sometimes, sites pop up that really bring the reality of net privacy into focus. Zaba Search, a people-search engine I stumbled across while perusing some random weblogs, truly shows how effortless it is for someone to find large amounts of personal information on just about anyone. This one searches as fast as Google, and while it only provides birth-years, addresses, and phone numbers, there is an option to purchase additional information if you so choose.

Yes, I know. Linking to the website is only an encouragement for people to use it. But in this case, I think it's important that you check out the site and run some searches. Once you see how easily it finds matches, you might begin to think twice before the next time you give out some of your "personal" information.

All Aboard the Oregon Trail

2005-04-08T10:07:00.000-05:00

A long LONG time ago, I was introduced to the wonders of technology when I got my first Apple IIe. I wore the ink off the keys learning logo and trying to get that damned turtle to move the way I wanted him to, but I was always drawn to the games. I think that's when my gaming passions really started to form, and I have such wonderful games to thank for that: Transylvania, Math Blaster (trust me, it was fun), and of course, The Oregon Trail, one of the earliest games to be considered "edutainment."

For those of you who dont know what I'm talking about, here is the best description of it I can find, and amazingly it includes screenshots!

Perhaps many of us loved that game a little too much. So much so, in fact, that it is still available for download and playing via Apple2 emulators. While reminiscing about the game other day, a few of us decided to do a google search, and low-and-behold, we found a copy of the game!

You can pick up The Oregon Trail from here.

Find a good Apple IIe emulator from here.

Always remember - if the river is more than 5 feet deep, float your wagon, dont ford the river. And if you die of dysentary, you can even get a t-shirt marking the occaision!

Everyone loves Harry Potter... even the Pope

2005-04-08T09:47:00.000-05:00

There have been millions of websites that are mourning the loss of Pope John Paul II's passing, so I will stay away from any direct commentary on it. However, I recently learned that The Leaky Cauldron, an excellent HP-related news site, marked his passing by quoting a statement the Vatican made in 2003 regarding the Harry Potter books, which have been villified by many radical religious organzations as teaching "anti-Christian ideology:"

"I don't see any, any problems in the Harry Potter series...I don't think there's anyone in this room who grew up without fairies, magic and angels in their imaginary world...They aren't bad. They aren't serving as a banner for an anti-Christian ideology...If I have understood well the intentions of Harry Potter's author, they help children to see the difference between good and evil...And she is very clear on this...[JKR is] Christian by conviction, is Christian in her mode of living, even in her way of writing."

I may not have agreed with his views on everything (I'm not Catholic, anyway), but I feel surprising relief that the most prominent voice in the Catholic religion was able to see the books for what they are and did not shy from responding to the traditional criticism of radical Christian groups. For that in particular, I salute him, and I wish him well, wherever he's off to now.

Still, considering his near-divinity on earth, I wonder - Do you think he knew how the story ends?

You ain't got no job, you ain't got shit to do

2005-04-06T08:57:00.000-05:00

So yes, it's important to have a job. It's important to further your career and take steps towards building the foundation for future employment. My question is this: If you're not sure what you want, if you're not certain you know what career to pursue, or in what flavor that career will present itself, are you screwed from here on out? Is there a deadline for deciding your direction?

Lately I've been wondering if it isn't better to keep your mind open to all possibilities, to all possible twists and turns that might be ahead. I've been spending the last four years trying to convince poor med students to spend too much money on books - books we just end up throwing away when a new edition arrives. Literally, into the garbage can. I don't think this is right, but it's my job and I salvage what I can. I spend too much time researching the daily value of the Euro and creating labels from conference attendee lists. You want to know why you get so much junk mail? I know why, and I know how to get your name.

But this is not what I want. I don't want to be a marketeer for the rest of my life, nor do I have any interest in sales or advertising. I happen to be pretty good at my job, but I just don't care that much. So, in the fall, I hope to move on to other things. The other things I have lined up, namely production and design, are a throwback to my days on the yearbook staff moving picas around and cropping awful pictures of the band teacher. I happen to love doing this, but it has been awhile. I didn't have to worry about parsing SGML code from FrameMaker files or preflight PDFs back in the day - the oh-so-ancient times of the mid-90's (how I miss them). So I'm pretty sure that this will not only be going back to something I love, but also an opportunity to learn a ton of stuff in the electronic publishing realm. Fine. Good by me.

But all of this leads me back to my point. If I'm not completely sure that publishing is the career for me, is this a waste of time? Should I go ahead on the assumption that publishing is where I'll end up, or should I test a couple of other flavors while I'm still young and (cough, ahem) unmarried? It's always good to be employed, no question there. And since I'm fairly certain this is the industry for me, I can feel fairly comfortable moving ahead. They say you should do something that makes you happy - make your hobbies your career. I'm a reader and a writer, so this makes some sense. But if I have to start a blog to force myself to write often, and if the book I'm reading has been sitting on my nightstand for almost 10 months, are these clues that what I'm actually more suited for is watching TV and playing video games? Can I be a professional coffee drinker and cigarette smoker? Are there jobs for people whose hobby is finding excuses to leave work early?

Today it's 75 degrees and I'd like to find employment that requires me to walk through the city with the sun on my face and the breeze at my back. Barring that, an office with a window would be nice.

The Peculiar Institution

2005-04-02T23:50:00.000-05:00

When you are so high you don't know what to write but have a desperate desire to do so, there should not be blogs. A white screen staring plaintively: wanting words and eloquence inspired by illicit drugs. It wants grandiose sentiments and enlightening revelations. It begs with such need for meaning and purpose that I'm only inspired to shit all over it; to fill it with base less rumors, and gossip bordering on libel. I want to tantalize and titillate; to inspire fame and fortune; to make the world believe only as I believe. I want to be the press!

If Ever a Wiz There Was

2005-04-01T13:10:00.000-05:00

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, the most anticipated new book since Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, was finally completed at the end of December and will be out on bookshelves at midnight on July 16th, 2005. My BF and I were fortunate enough to attend the OoP release party at a local bookstore two years ago where, as a reward for reading all of the books 17 times, we received a Wizard's hat, a #20 spot in line for the midnight rush, and a trivia ass-beating by a couple of 13 year old girls.

Needless to say, we are gearing up for the April 7th marketing launch which will carry us through the spring months. I will try to avoid posting or linking to spoilers, but we will be carefully following any new items of interest in the coming months.

For more news, great articles, and basically anything to satisfy your HP cravings, check out the divine wisdom at The Leaky Cauldron:

If all Harry Potter books ever sold were placed end to end, they would go around the equator 1.4 times.
On its first day of sale in the UK, Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix sold at a rate of 21 books per second. If all those books sold in the UK in the first day were stacked up the pile would be 12 times higher than Mount Everest.
The total number of Harry Potter books ever sold is more than the populations of Britain, France, Germany and Italy combined.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince will have the largest first print run in the history of publishing: 10.8 million books in the US alone. This breaks the record set by the previous Harry Potter book in 2003. For comparison, first print runs of my employer's titles are usually in the thousands. As in two thousand.

We'll also be keeping an eye out for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie news. The film will be released November 18th, 2005.

I'm In

2005-04-01T10:04:00.000-05:00

Good Morning...Has everyone created their user accounts? Testing 123, testing 123.

O Constitution, where art thou?

2005-03-31T10:58:00.000-05:00

Does anyone in the media, our federal government, or the majority of the inflammatory pundits on TV in the past week remember what are Constitution says? I dont think so.

While there are many other things that are offensive about the Terri Shiavo case to me - Congress and the President intervening in a family affair, the outrageous punditry that's been going on non-stop throughout this ordeal, the interference by so many special interest groups in the affairs of a troubled family - I think the people that burn me the most are those that claim that the judiciary ran wild and ruled incongruently with the will of Congress and the President. Does anyone remember the idea of checks and balances??? Judges do not write the laws, they are there only to interpret the law and enact whatever judgements are required under the law. The idiots in government that are blaming the judges for this fiasco seem to forget that they are the ones writing the laws the judges must apply in these cases. If they don't like the laws, work to change them, but don't blame the judiciary because you simply don't like the way they ruled in a case.

This is an abomination and usurpation of our government. The fact that both State and federal authorities got involved and they all laid the blame on the doorstep of the courthouse only serves to prove the point that they are completely out of touch with the ideas America was founded upon. I am disgusted that government officials could behave this way, though I am saddened to say that since the Bush administration started running things this has become more the norm than an exception.

Some questions the media might consider asking someday when they get their spines back:

1. Why did the President take time off his busy vacation schedule to sign a law that applied to only one person and was of questionable constitutionality? Why did he choose to take time off his vacation for this, but not the Tsunami? How about in August 2001 when he got the memo about Bin Laden?

2. The President said that when in doubt we should err on the side of life. So where was he when a Texas hospital removed the feeding tube of a newborn (which they were able to do as a result of a law that he signed as Governor)? How about when he was signing all of the execution orders while Governor of Texas? Do they not warrant that benefit of the doubt??

3. When did Bill Frist become one of the primary doctors for Terri Shiavo? I mean, he made a full diagnosis of her condition on the floor of the Senate, so I'm sure he must be regularly checking her condition, visiting with her, examining test results. Oh wait - he just saw the same video they keep showing on the news. So how exactly did he reach his expert medical conclusions?

Lastly - since Congress was compelled to pass a law for one person, I have some requests on my own behalf that I'd like them to take up on the floor immediately.

1. I have some student loans that I'll need paid off. I'll need them to take some money from Social Security to help me pay those off.

2. My GF needs some money for school, so we'll need some additional funding there as well.

3. I've been fairly upset that I have to pay taxes. So I'll need an exemption from those also.

4. I always felt that it wasn't fair to make people work on Mondays. They'll never get that passed for everyone, but I figure that since it should be my turn for some lawmaking, I'd like a personal exemption from work on all Mondays in perpetuity.

I think that covers it for now, but I'll get back to them as I think of more. I figure this will be on a first-come, first-served basis so with only 290,000,000 people in the country, they should be getting around to me sometime soon.

SWM: Loves Executions, Hates Gays

2005-03-24T10:55:00.000-05:00

While I was going to overlook the whole Schiavo case in favor of a three-hour rant on why I hate my job, I decided, since political commentary is so rare these days, to put in my two cents. So here I go:

I don't believe that DeLay and Frist care about this woman. I believe that over the weekend they were trying to refocus the media off of the ethics violations and the Iraq anniversary. I believe they were trying to force the Democrats to take a lose-lose stand against this case, knowing that it would paint the Dems as pro-death. But the Dems didn't come out at all, splitting the vote straight down the middle for those who bothered to show up at all. The Senate, which is now, sadly, a joke of a legislature, didn't even bother to get more than three people in the room during vote time. A voice vote? What the hell is that? And why did the President cut his vacation early to vote on this bill when he couldn't even come back to DC after the Tsunami, in which hundreds of THOUSANDS died. Pathetic. More pathetic: the bill he signed into law allowing hospitals in TX to remove life-support based on whether or not the patient can pay. Most pathetic: This sanctity of life crap which is so obviously hypocritical based on the fact that TX executes children, mentally retarded people, and has done so to more prisoners than the rest of the states combined. Um, hello Bush and DeLay... Kettle meet pot.

This also is a slap in the face to Republicans who actually believe in Federalism, States rights, and, not that I'm a big fan, but the sanctity of marriage. No, we don't know for certain what Schiavo wanted. But her husband knows. And all we can do is believe him. There's no other choice. We can't second guess every spousal end-of-life decision so we can't second guess any of them. All we have is his word. So that has to be good enough.

I'm telling everyone I know this: I don't want this. I don't want heroic measures taken to artificially prolong my life; I want my organs ripped from my still-warm body for donation before they go to waste. And I certainly, extraordinarily, sincerely, most-assuredly do NOT want Tom Delay or Bill Frist anywhere near my breathing tube. Frist, the man who thinks AIDS can be spread through sweat. And DeLay... Well, let's just quote him:

"You know, one way they stopped churches from getting into politics was Lyndon Johnson, who passed a law that said you couldn't get in politics or you're going to lose your tax-exempt status, because they were all opposed to him when he was running for President. That law we're trying to repeal. It's very difficult to do that, but the point is, when they can knock out a leader, then no other leader will step forward for a while, because they don't want to go through the same thing. If they go after and get a pastor, then other pastors shrink from what they should be doing. It forces Christians back into the church. That's what's going on in America. The world is too bad and I'm going to get inside this building and I'm not going to play in the world. That's not what Christ asked us to do."

Yup. Jesus loves executions and hates gays. Why do you hate freedom so much?

Weapons of Mass Entertainment

2005-03-06T23:10:00.000-05:00

There's a bill in the Washington State House of Representatives that would "...hold the makers and sellers of violent video games liable if someone under 17 years old commits a crime, due in any part, to playing the game." The bill essentially gives legitimacy to any lawsuit brought against a video game maker or distributor (watch out Netflix).

Wow, this seems completely rational. I mean, we hold gunmakers and gun dealers responsible for the murders committed by a gun they produced or sold. Oh wait: we dont do that. So what we're really suggesting is that a video game, and the people who created and marketed it, are more responsible for a violent murder than the company that produced the gun that was used in the crime.

I looked through the documents related to the bill, and I'm left wondering who the legislators think they are serving by introducing a bill like this. I guess it's making trial lawyers happy. This bill will give frivolous lawsuits new life, as the gaming industry starts to feel the same kind of heat that the gun indsutry once felt, only this time the plaintiffs will be given legal legitimacy to demand large checks from the development houses.

We have already had a number of lawsuits pass through the courts where victims of gun crimes (just one example of a violent crime) where they attempted to hold the gun makers responsible, and all of those cases resulted in a win for the gun makers. If the people that are providing the literal means to commit the crime are not responsible, how can video game makers, who make something that is in no way used to commit a crime, be held responsible for them? Does that make rational sense to you? To anyone?

The video game industry has moved by leaps and bounds to ensure that adult-themed games are sold only to adults. They created the ESRB to help educate the public and help parents determine what games are appropriate for their children. If you've played computer games for as long as I have (I'm not ashamed to admit it), you would know that adult verification used to consist of asking the player trivia questions about beer (check out the old-school Leisure Suit Larry games). I think it's safe to say that the gaming industry has come a long way from those days.

To anyone that thinks that the America is on its way to banning violent video games, I would say I think that is ridiculous. With that said, all options are on the table.

These Small Halls

2005-02-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

An independent report finally supports what our teacher friends have been saying all along: No Child Left Behind is a hinderance to teachers and a slap in the face to public school systems. Much like school vouchers. What tickles me more is that the report was immediately rebutted by Spelling's Education Department, because why would they want to listen to an independent panel of educators when they are quite busy fighting the gayness of Sponge Bob and Buster?

It kills me that this Republican plan is so much big goverment squeezed into the small halls of the local school system. I went to public school and there was plenty of testing. The vocab tests, physics tests, CAPT (Connecticut Aptitude Test for 8th and 10th grades), never mind the SATs. Granted, LHS is one of the finest public schools in CT, and probably the East Coast, but as a public school we never lacked for testing. This former republican has always felt that the needs of a town could hardly be met by big government programs which waste a ton of money on everyone and therefore help absolutely no one. NCLB takes the governing away from local school boards, where it belongs.

Fart -Jokes and Terror

2005-02-13T12:13:00.000-05:00

When did we hit the age where a perfect Saturday night was a pajama-clad evening with a couple of movies and take-out? This weekend was no disappointment after a delightful shopping trip with fellow New Year's fun-doees Sarcastic and Cynical. For our cinematic pleasure, a Japanese adaptation starring our favorite Vampire Slayer and a celebrity-soggy animated comedy.

As with the other Pixar-wannabe films, Shark Tale was a mediocre repsonse to last year's gorgeous CG mega-hit Finding Nemo. 70 million dollars spent and all we got was an underwater retelling of A Bug's Life. Fish wants to be somebody special, doesn't realize what he has until he loses it all. But the plot is so heavy with fart-joke humor and cheap sterotypes that even the genius of falling down slapstick gets lost in the tired storyline. There were a few good laughs and the resemblace of the characters to their voices is kind of scary, in a positive way. Though not even a fraction as endearing as it's inspiration, this movie is clearly a big-budget knock-off packaged with the glitter of Will Smith, Angelina Jolie, Renee Zelweger, and Jack Black. Save yourself an hour and a half and watch the Numa Numa video instead.

On the other hand...

The Grudge, a follow up to the equally terrifying The Ring, needs to be added to everyone's Halloween fright-fest collection. Watching this with the lights out is a sure way to keep yourself awake at night worrying about what's creeping up underneath your covers. Sarah Michelle Geller, rebounding from such previous classics as Scooby Doo 2 and I Know What You Did Last Summer, is actually quite watchable, though I kept wondering why she didn't speak in puns. Part mystery, part human drama, this beautiful film is terribly frightening and stays with you well past the credits. Even seeing the DVD cover jump out at you at Hollywood Video can cause an involuntary shudder. Excellent movie for a Saturday night.

Ah, my eyes! My eyes!

2005-02-11T15:27:00.000-05:00

So I got new glasses today. While the rest of my family has had glasses since about the time they could walk, I have thankfully managed to avoid the necessity. That is until now. Apparently, all the time that I spend in front of a computer screen is causing "eye strain," though I think it's aliens that are using some kind of mind control device on me when I look at my computer, and the blurred vision is just a side effect.

Or maybe that's just the medication.

This is our first post!

2005-02-09T18:58:00.000-05:00

1225 Sunrise has returned from the dead (curse you, bloghosts.com).